Why I don’t(can’t) watch movies.

I can hear you all questioning my sanity(and my honesty) but just hear me out.  My mother tongue is Tamil. I have the option to switch between Tamil films and Hindi films (I don’t mean to brag but I've finished all the Hindi exams and am currently a Hindi pandit. ahem.) and yet I don’t watch films nor have I watched many(now short films are a different story). Now allow me to explain myself.

1) I don’t watch films because I’m too lazy to go the theater.  What’s the point?  Wait for a week and you get to see it in the comfort of your own sweet home. You try going to a theater on the first day release of a Rajini(sir) film and come out unscathed with your hearing and limbs intact.You’ll know what I mean. Trust me. I've tried. I know you want to get the ‘theater experience’ and stuff but you don’t have to ‘experience’ it every time a movie releases right?.Maybe it’s just me. We’ll never know will we?

2)I watch films ONLY if they’re on TV and ONLY if their show timings don’t interfere with my sleep schedule(nap time included). We have a set top box. And this is really bad because you can now choose which channels to not watch. So my parents don’t pay for the English movies channel no matter how much I beg them to(no surprise there). So that’s out.

3) What’s that? Watch videos on the internet? Okay. My internet is as slow as me doing a Chemical equilibrium problem. So if the movie is for 3 hours it takes me triple the time to download it or watch it online (1 hour for the website to load, 1 hour for the link to load, 2 hours for me to decide whether or not I actually want to watch this movie after all this inner and outer turmoil, 1 hour for me to go find my laptop charger and the rest of the time for it to buffer/download. You do the math).All hell breaks loose if my internet gets cut in the middle which, you guessed it, happens all the time.

3) I’m very picky. I don’t like love stories. I don’t like sad movies that make me cry every time I see a character who make it a point to either deliver emotional dialogues every time they appear or need to have very emotional background music every time they appear. I don’t watch superhero movies (they’re too super hero-ey). If I don’t like the movie in the first half hour then I won’t watch it. So my fussiness eventually leads me into rejecting most of the movies they show on TV.

4) If a movie is too serious I’ll skip the middle part. As a result I will be so busy figuring out where these extra characters came from and trying to patch up the story-line with what little information I have that I’ll end up not paying attention to the climax. Sad.

5) Interruptions.  My family has decided that the best time to watch shows on TV is when I’m 2 minutes into a movie. It ALWAYS happens irrespective of the day or time. And when I finally do get to watch it, it’s either finished or a major chunk of it is over.

Now you know why I prefer to stare at a wall than watch a movie. Who can I blame?
But even after all these I did get around to watching a handful of movies in the theater(most of them were Harry Potter movies and the recent one was Tenaliraman.Oops.Too much information). But I’m going to take a chance this time. This time when 'Kochadaiiyaan' releases (if you haven’t guessed it yet, I’m a huge Rajini Fan) I WILL watch it third day itself in the theater. Yes. My left leg isn't too important anyway.