How I make tea

Tea is something I can’t live without. So I’m compelled to make it 3 times a day. I’ve decided to share with you my tea recipe albeit with some other totally pointless and random stuff that I somehow end up doing. For those of you who are viewing this post in the hopes that I will be giving you the recipe for making tea, I’m going to be a good girl and say that you shall not be disappointed. Just consult an expert first or you might blow up your house.

	How it’s supposed to be done	How I do it
1)	Turn on the gas stove.	Go into the kitchen. Complain about how messy it is but do nothing to make it less messy. Then go the LPG cylinder and turn the knob this way and that and finally figure out the right way . Take the lighter and light the stove (in not less than 3 tries).
2)	Take a vessel. Keep it on the stove.	Rummage through the cupboard and choose the nearest one(pff.Easy).Keep it on the stove lopsidedly.
3)	Pour about 1 ¼ cups of water	Fill 2 cups with water. Spill some down. Curse the world. Recover. Drink the water from 1 cup. Fill it again (not exactly ¼ because how in the world am I supposed to keep track of that? It’s water. Come on)
4)	Put the ‘tea powder’ (about 3 small spoonful) in the water and allow it to boil till the volume of water left is approximately ½ that of its original volume. The aroma of the tea should now fill the room.	Take a spoon. Decide not to use it because it’s too big which will lead to an error in the measurements (10 points for trying). Search for a smaller spoon. I won’t find it. Use the bigger spoon anyway. Spill some tea powder down. It mixes with the already spilt water and becomes even more disgusting. Curse myself now. Allow the water to boil. Curse about how hot the kitchen is. Decide to go stand under the fan. Hear a sizzling sound and realize that I’ve let the water boil for too long, so much so that the amount of water now left is just about a pint. Vow NEVER to make tea again. Ah yes. The aroma. All that I’m able to smell now is my sweat and my frustration.
5)	Turn the stove off and pour about a cup of milk (if you want your tea to be ‘strong’, pour little milk else pour a lot of milk). Use a strainer to remove the tea powder. Put sugar as per your requirement.	Turn the stove off without anymore mishaps. Pour some milk. Taste the tea. Spit it out realizing it’s too hot. Howl for my mother to set things right. She howls back saying “you started it. You must be the one to finish it”. Damn it. Wait for the molten lava to cool. Add sugar. Taste it again. Realize that more milk needs to be added. Add milk. Realize that more sugar needs to be added. Do the usual swearing routine. Add sugar. Search for the strainer and successfully find it. Do the needful. Pour a little bit of it down again.
6)	Your tea ought to be ready now. Enjoy it.	The tea is ready but the kitchen is not. So try my level best to do something. Fail. Accept my life and try to move on. Get out of the kitchen and drink my tea. Realize it’s the sweet nectar of life and heaven. Congratulate myself and wallow in self praise. Decide to break my vow. Hear my mom screaming at me to clean the kitchen. Wallow in self pity.

 P.S. Just so you  know, the tea usually turns out to be pretty good (even by my standards).